The Appreciator

This post first appeared on the CTI blog on November 20, 2012.

In the spirit of the holidays, it has been wonderful to see so many friends sharing emails and posting messages of things that they are grateful for on a daily basis.  In coaching, one of the tools that we share with clients is to access our crew of inner resources.  A key crew member is called “The Appreciator”.  The Appreciator is your inner authority that appreciates everything, the dark and the light, the wins and the losses, and the failures and successes, all without judgment.   Everyone has access to their personal Appreciator, but accessing it is a choice.

The past few days I have been resistant to my own Appreciator because of a challenge that has come up for me.  In working to pursue my career in coaching while teaching full time, I have realized that I can’t progress at the pace I want.  My solution was to quit my job and focus on my business but my husband was not comfortable with me making such a bold move, so he offered to take some of my household responsibilities and even help with some of my business needs.   I felt frustrated, disappointed, and even angry that a situation that was so important to me didn’t work out the way I wanted, and the way I felt I was entitled to.  Needless to say, I have had no time or space for my Appreciator to be present in my life in this condition. 

After 4 days of being in this disturbing state which was beginning to consume me, I summoned up my Appreciator and,  with a tone of disgust and indignation, asked

“Appreciator, what do you have for me in this situation?”

I was expecting for her to have nothing, expecting her to say, “this time Gina, it really stinks to be you”.  But guess what, she didn’t.   She was quiet for a moment and then took her time to inquire;

Well, isn’t this another way for you and your husband to come together and pull off an amazing accomplishment by giving one another support and love, by his stretching to be helpful to you and free up more time for you, and by you showing respect and understanding for his concerns?  Haven’t the times in your life when the two of you have done that before been the ones that make your marriage as rich, solid, and fulfilling as it is?

“Hmmmm”, she certainly gave me something to think about, and I thought that would be the end of what I would hear from her, but then she said;

What about your children?  Think about the example you and your husband will be setting for them about pulling together and stretching yourselves to allow you to follow your dream, even when it isn’t easy?

I got a little lump in my throat with that one, and nodded my head.  She went on;
and what about the fact that you have a vision that you are committed to and are willing to do whatever it takes to realize it, isn’t there value in the growth that you are going to experience as an individual?

At this point I noticed that my whole body began to relax and my breathing became much deeper.  I felt the air around me lighten, and possibilities within me expand.  Then she said;

What value do you think this experience has for you today, and in the future, as you are coaching clients who are daring to pursue their vision, but have serious obstacles get in their way?  If this worked out conveniently for you, would it be easy for you to coach them to be courageous when things got tough, or would it make you likely to back off because of being unsure of their ability to succeed?

“Wow”, I sighed, and in a matter of a moment, my perspective was completely transformed.  “WOW, could it actually be true that I need this experience?  This experience really is a gift to me; yes a GIFT that I am grateful for!”

Now, recognizing my circumstance as a gift, rather than a penance, I am focused on my commitment to my values, my vision, and the people I love, without the strain of carrying around frustration, disappointment, and the expectation to be exhausted, stressed, and resentful each day.  Now, my sincere gratitude is going to give my vision greater commitment, my actions greater fuel, and my experiences heightened meaning.  All of this adding yet another great reason to be thankful!



Regina Hellinger

And so, I reach out to each of you during this month of gratitude and I challenge you to look beyond the things that are easy to appreciate and into the areas of your life where you might be feeling frustrated, cheated, defeated, or angry and ask your inner Appreciator, “what is there to be grateful for here?”  You may be surprised at what you find, and worlds of possibility may open up for you. 

In the amazing spirit and power of Appreciation, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Regina Hellinger is a certification student in the final stages of certification with CTI, currently working as a coach with aspiring coaches, educators, and gifted individuals, as well as being a teacher of the gifted in Orange County, FL.  You can reach Regina at www.ReginaHellinger.com, or by Twitter @ReginaHellinger.

Best books and resources for continued education?

Last month, we asked our Facebook fans to share the best books and resources for continued education for experienced coaches. Take a look below to see how our Facebook fans responded:

“Robert Kegan and Lisa L. Lahey: Immunity to Change.” (Tomas Misiukonis)

“There is a book I am reading right now that from my perspective is great. It teaches us how to connect with people. The name is: Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the most Effective People do Differently from John Maxwell.” (CoachCarlos J. Caballer Díaz)

“Co-active Coaching by CTI” (Alison Smith)

“Create a World that Works by Alan Seale (as well as his other books).” (Katrien Rommens)

“Coaching with Spirit (Teri-E Belf)” (Davide Tambone)

“Philosopher Notes has a summary of over 150 great books. It will make you want to read them all.” (Li-Mor Raviv)

“The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.” (Ellinor Sandsund)

“HAAPPi Me coaching system.” (Britt Bjøgård)

“Getting our Bodies Back by Christine Caldwell.” (Maria Cussell Humphries)

“The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso and Russ Hudson. This is a complete guide to psychological and spiritual growth for all nine personality types.” (Louise Stoltz)

“Tatiana Bachkirova’s Developmental Coaching.” (Tomas Misiukonis)

“The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Another take on the saboteur/critical inner voice.” (Travis Wilson)

“Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the box by Arbinger Institute.” (Youngjune Park)

“Coaching with the Brain in Mind by David Rock.” (Kristina Bähr)

“Sourcebook of Coaching History by Vikki Brock, PhD.” (Pat Barlow)

“The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz.” (Lucio Andrés Pérez)

“7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. The audio book is great for listening to on the move.” (Alan Gladman)

“Coaching to the Human Soul by Alan Sieler, I love it!” (Claudia Cerna)

“Toolful Coach might be something to consider to regularly update your toolbox.” (Brigitta Banhidi)

“Evidence Based Coaching by Anthony Grant.” (Annalise Roache)

“Daring Greatly by Brené Brown of course!” (Sally Vanson)

What about you? What are your go-to books and resources for ongoing development? We’d love to know—leave a response below or join the conversation at Facebook.com/ICFHQ.

The missing link

One moment of rudeness, unfortunately, is greater than a hundred moments of politeness.

One moment of another’s rudeness is greater than ten thousand moments of our own.

If ten people around you suffered from a weakness that you did not, would it be odd if you concluded that you were that much stronger than them?

This is what happens in our daily lives.

We observe, rightly, a flaw of some kind in other people. Something that is just not good enough.

On an average day we may witness say a 100 flaws in others.

Supposing we are truly introspective, we may acknowledge perhaps one or two faults in ourselves…if even that.

This simple delusional data that we collect on a daily basis causes many of us to live under the continual impression that we are better than most other people within our sphere of influence.

It’s difficult, if not impossible, to love when we consistently operate out of this platform of being better because we possess lesser flaws.

Idiotically the closer (more comfortable with) we are to a person we feel the urgent, often irrepressible, need to point out this flaw.

Like a sneeze we cannot control, we just have to say  “ Hey! I know you think you’re the cats whiskers but this proves that you aren’t as good as you think you are.”

(It also proves that I’m better than you are)

Love needs an inner strength.

I cannot be accusing somebody; finding fault, complaining, yet convince myself that I love him or her.

That’s like consistently and consciously kicking the ball into my own goal and expecting the man of the match award!

Love needs our affirmation. Hate needs our accusation.

Love needs our silence.

Hate says “ I can’t tolerate such……” Or,  “I’m saying this for your own good.”

An ant may lift a bulldozer before inner weakness produces love.

It is not that we actively produce hate, but that we are too weak to love.

This world is a gymnasium, and mystically it is able to exercise both our weakness and our strength.

Our strength lies in our ability to surrender the need to defend ourselves.

Our weakness lies in our fear of not protecting ourselves.

Our circumstances and relationships are the treadmills and dumbbells to build up both our surrender and our defense, but one is built up always at the cost of the other.

Love grows with our ability to suffer unjustly. I cannot fight for my rights and love.

In this world that we are born into, we don’t need to produce hate. It is the natural darkness in the absence of love.

We are born as natural vessels of hate. Life offers us the opportunities to give birth to love.

This world is also like a womb.

If we die in our natural state, we die the death of the stillborn.

Success is in the strong inner person.

Success lies in restraint. When what we know does not compel us. When what is right for us is never wrong for someone else.

Be strong of heart. Courageous. Wait. Wait. Wait. You will receive your right, and love, if only you will not fight for it.

Our strength lies in presumed weakness.

Joseph Thevercad, ACC

A Certified Coach, Coach U alumni, Associate Certified Coach and ICF member, Joseph has been the HR Director heading both Organisation Development and Human Resources in two different industries – Hospitality and Media. In 2011 he founded his firm called “The You Tomorrow” ( URL http://theyoutomorrow.com/ ) and offers Coaching for Businesses, Executives and Life. He may be contacted at joseph@TheYouTomorrow.com.



Getting the Financial Commitment

Turning your Interested Prospect into a Paying Client

Suddenly, there's a knot in your stomach (where did that come from?) and you start to stammer. Your internal dialogue kicks into high gear. "Can I really deliver what the client needs?” “They will never pay my rates.” Without realizing it, you're getting in your own way. Asking for the financial commitment can be one of the most challenging steps for coaches building their business.

Here are 3 steps that make a difference when asking for the financial commitment.

1. Be absolutely clear on the value you offer. In order to increase your clarity on this, identify and clarify your "unique processes" - elements of your professional experience, coach training and personal history that support your coaching skills. Your training and your own personal development and learning, have helped you develop skills that have value to a coaching client.
2. Understand your beliefs and how they show up in client objections. Beliefs are feelings of certainty. What are your beliefs about asking for the financial commitment? Notice your prospects' objections. Are they a reflection of your core beliefs? If your prospect says, 'Your services are too expensive,”' investigate whether you secretly believe your services are too expensive. What beliefs do you need to adopt to support you in creating a win-win opportunity for you and your potential client.
3. Know how to present your prices and services. Get clear on the coaching programs you offer. The language and presentation of your services and fees allows you to guide the prospect with certainty, which increase their confidence in your ability to deliver what you say.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

• Consider offering three different coaching programs. This gives the potential client options based on their goals and financial budget
• Position the coaching investment based on a monthly retainer not an hourly rate. The value of coaching often happens during and beyond the actual coaching sessions.
• Always identify the value and ask for the commitment before you talk about fees. Remember individuals buy for emotional reasons and justify with logic. Support your potential client to be clear of what they REALLY want to create in their life. Say, "Coaching is all about commitment. Do you feel you're at a place to get the results you stated you wanted today?" If they say yes, you are well on your way of getting a motivated, committed paying client.
• Ask for the financial commitment. This may sound obvious, but it is easy to avoid the direct question. “What program would work best for you’? “How would you like to pay for your coaching Visa or MasterCard?”

Teresia LaRocque MCC

As coaches, it's our job to support people in committing to have the life they truly want. If you're not asking for the financial commitment, you're not giving the prospect a chance to win. But when you follow these steps to sealing the deal, you position everyone to move ahead.


Teresia LaRocque MCC, is Director of Entrepreneurship and Business Building Mentor for the Erickson Business Center –  www.ericksonbusinesscenter.com at Erickson College International www.erickson.edu. Teresia is a pioneer in the booming profession of personal coaching, the first recipient of the International Coach Federation’s Master Coach Credential in Canada and cofounder for the Vancouver International Coach Federation chapter.  Teresia is committed to supporting coaches to take their talent and passion for coaching and make their entrepreneurial dreams come true.

Teresia is the founder and facilitator of the Passion into Profit Program, a customized business building program offered through the Erickson Business Center. For free business building tips and advice, join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/EricksonBusinessCenter.

Six ways to successfully work from home

1. Remove distractions. Depending on what distracts you, this can mean: silencing your cell phone, using a different Web browser for work-related searching,  keeping the television off, shutting the door, taking the kids to daycare, removing clutter from your workspace, etc.

2. Create rules (and stick to them). If you don’t live alone, this is especially important! Kids and significant others may equate working from home to being available throughout the day. It is very important to make rules and forge a daily routine that will keep your work-life balance in check.

3. Take breaks. Get up and stretch! Take a walk around the block, and just get away from your computer. Schedule lunch dates with friends. If you like to be able to do household tasks during the day, use your breaks to unload the dishwasher, start a load of laundry, or feed the family dog. Just don’t get distracted to handle larger tasks that need more time!

4. Make your space yours. Ensure that you have enough lighting, a good chair, a professional desk, and personal touches that make you enjoy using the workspace.  Any room can be made yours with a fresh coat of paint, new furniture, and/or personal touches (such as artwork, photos, etc.).

5. Don’t underestimate a remote office. If you need a change in scenery, and your work makes it possible, take your computer to a local coffee shop or library. Many places offer free Wi-Fi these days, take advantage of it and be refreshed at the same time.

6. Get dressed. If you have a hard time staying focused and on task, try dressing the part. Before you start working in the morning, remove the comfortable robe and slippers and change into something you would wear into an office. Primp as you would if you were leaving the house: hair, makeup, etc. 

What are your tips and tricks to successfully working from home? Share them below!

Want to read more? Check out this interesting article from the New York Times: How to make working from home work for you.