Dreaming IS Good For you!

If I asked you what you dream of, how much time would you give to describe it, before jumping into determining how you’re going to make it happen?

Nurture your dream

By dreaming, I don’t mean the REM variety either, or for that matter, aimless fantasizing. I mean dreaming about what’s purposeful to you and about what you would love. This sort of dreaming requires distillation and focus.

I've been observing lately in my coaching practice and when talking with other women that often the dream (or vision) in our life is overlooked in favor of 'how' it’s going to happen. And this is where we get caught out. If your emphasis is on the 'how', you ultimately start to compromise on what you believe is possible, because you haven’t spent time stepping into the ‘impossible’. The 'how' can also be challenging and out of our comfort zone (especially when we bring money into the equation) - so much so that we give up on the dream before we’ve even started.

The key message I want to share with you today about dreaming is how dreams need the time, attention and clarity before you go anywhere near the 'how'.

Having a dream and then manifesting that dream utilises both feminine and masculine principles. The anima and animus are two terms used by psychologist Carl Jung to describe the feminine and masculine halves of the personality. The dreaming part (the 'what') is all about the feminine - it's the visionary, it's about being open and receptive, it’s about what you love and it's about stepping into the unknown, into the seemingly impossible, into your imagination.

The 'how' part is all about the masculine – it’s the strategy, it’s the next steps, it’s about the action, it's about engaging your will. In order to have a dream and then to manifest that dream, you need to utilise both your masculine and feminine. If you have a clear vision of the life you want, but don't take the necessary action, then your dream is just a mere fantasy. And if you have the action, but aren’t clear on the dream, then any action you take will be counterproductive.

The dreaming part is such an important part of the equation. If you have a dream in your life, spend time on it – no, actually spend ‘loads’ of time on it. Nurture your dream, write about it, draw pictures about it, have some still time to sit with it, envisage it, imagine it and play with it.

Big dreams die when we focus on the big to do list. Do you want your dream to die or do you want to be an example of an inspiring woman who 'had a dream and made it happen'?

This post was written by Anne Loyd and previously appeared at http://anneloyd.blogspot.com/.

We are ICF

Over the last several weeks, we have been sharing the various reasons coaches choose the ICF as their premiere coaching organization. This week, we will take a look at Isabel Jaramillo, ACC, of Colombia. She has been an ICF member since 2008.

Isabel is a member of ICF Colombia.

“I like to be a part of a community that is global, sets the standards (quality is important), and is recognized,” she said.

Isabel, whose niche focuses on organizational and life coaching, finds three aspects of her ICF membership equally important: continuing coaching (CCEUs), virtual education and networking. As an ICF member, she is able to invest in all three components through ICF Virtual Education offerings and ICF branded events.

Other reasons people choose to be a part of the ICF will be shared in future blog posts.

Learn how you can become a member of the ICF here.



From Lousy to Great: The Territory of Recovery Coaching



Alida Schuyler

“Beth, ”a 19-year old who relapsed after in-patient treatment for alcohol, pot, and meth, was referred to me by a therapist. Beth was on medications for bi-polar and ADHD, lived with her mother, was unemployed, drinking and smoking pot, and had a history of cutting. Would I be willing to coach her?

Doesn’t sound like an ideal coaching client, does she? I saw a lot of red flags, and I’m a professional Recovery Coach. People call me when they know someone who needs help with recovery from addiction. I coach people to stop alcohol or other drugs using 12-step or other support, or to make a plan to cut back, or to go to treatment or not. I help people coming home from treatment stay on track and in recovery. The first time I talked to Beth she was scraping out a pot pipe, hoping to get a buzz.

We talked about the futility of getting high from pipe scrapings, and about choice and compulsion in regard to drugs, and set a time to talk about coaching. Neither was sure that coaching was a good idea: Beth already had a therapist and a psychiatrist, and I didn’t know if she was coachable.

Coachable or Not
Many coaches assume that those who abuse drugs are not coachable. For them coaching is about helping people get from good to great but not from lousy to great. They forget that addiction affects all levels of society and that there are both high and low functioning people who drink too much. How can a coach know whom to coach? By screening each prospective client.

An Actionable Goal
I asked Beth what she would most like to change about her life. Beth said that if she lived on her own, she’d feel better about her life. I asked what would make that possible. Beth said taking her own meds (without Mom’s help) and getting a job.

Since she was able to name an actionable goal, we discussed what was expected in coaching and she agreed to give it a try. I let her know I couldn’t coach her if she missed calls, came intoxicated, or did not benefit from coaching.

The Potential of Addicts
The ICF defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” Addiction drastically interferes with potential. Those who resolve their addictions can move from lousy to great. Recovery Coaching helps that happen more quickly.

The Advanced Skills of Recovery Coaching
To coach addiction recovery clients effectively it is important to have advanced skills in increasing motivation and confidence. Low self-esteem is common, and motivation and confidence waver. Recovery Coaches must be effective at finding and leveraging strengths and be patient with those whose self-efficacy varies.

It is also important to be able to coach effectively all the way through change process from “Who me?” (denial) through “Yes, but” (contemplation) on to making a decision, and setting and carrying out recovery goals. Relapse is common in persons trying to change their habits with alcohol and other drugs, yet there is promising clinical evidence that coaching reduces relapse.

Developmental Coaching
Recovery Coaches must also coach to improve general development and awareness. People who lived in active addiction often have gaps. They may be very good on the job but a poor communicator at home. They may have great interpersonal skills but be lousy with money. Recovery Coaches work with clients to leverage their strengths while identifying and resolving struggles. We coach to increase awareness of choice and responsibility, to identify and meet needs, rather than turning to addictive substances when uncomfortable feelings come up.

Beth’s Progress Report
It took Beth a few months to get her on her feet and employed. Early coaching was about waking up and taking showers and going out the door. Within a year she was living on her own. Today Beth is a trusted and reliable employee. She has three years of sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. Last year she finished a yearlong massage school program. She still has a psychiatrist and a therapist and me, her Recovery Coach. In the past four years Beth moved from really lousy to pretty darn good, and I look forward to coaching her all the way to great now that she is solidly in addiction recovery.

Summary
Professional Recovery Coaches are highly trained coaches. We screen our clients for coachability and work with those who define actionable goals, who co-create the relationship, and benefit from coaching.

Next Steps
Send this article to your fellow coaches, to family members or those suffering from addiction. If you would like to refer to a Recovery Coach or learn more about Crossroads Coaching trainings contact Alida Schuyler at alidacoach@crossroadscoaching.net.

Alida Schuyler (pronounced AL-ih-duh SKY-luhr) began coaching in 1997, graduated from Academy for Coach Training (now InviteChange) in 1999 and began training Recovery Coaches in 2003. She is co-founder of Recovery Coaches International and has an active practice based in Port Angeles, Washington.

Pick a question, any question

About a month ago, we asked those who “like” our Facebook page to share their favorite question to ask clients. We received nearly 80 questions!

If you are in need of a new question for your repertoire, or are simply interested in what other professional coaches are asking their clients, you will find (below) a complete list of those favorite questions:

• If you could have the perfect life you’ve always desired, what activity would you begin tomorrow to help you achieve it? (Andrea Teague)
• Looking ahead, what will happen if you don’t change? What will happen if you do change? (Sercan Savran)
• What can you do immediately, right now? (Sean Finnegan)
• Now that you this, what will you do today so tomorrow will be different? (Susan Carlson)
• What’s stopping you? (Willa Edgerton-Chisler)
• I understand that you don’t know, but if you knew, what would it be then? (Chris Bysell Hamrin)
• How can you afford to waste more time until you take action? (GP Life Coaching and Consulting)
• What would ‘80’ year-old ‘you’ want the present day ‘you’ to know? (Marlene Davis McCallum)
• I can hear that you can’t see beyond, but if you are on the other side of the obstacle, how do you want to see it? (Jeffrey Carado)
• How does this solution lead you toward you deeper desires? (Martin Jessen)
• What is the question I should ask you next time to move you forward? (Emma-Louise Elsey)
• What do you want your legacy to be? (Richard Pett)
• What else? (Jukka Puurunen/Gabriella Nagy)
• Except status quo, what is the next worse thing that could happen? (Marcel Gemme)
• If you knew without a doubt you would succeed, what would you take on today? (Eno Nsima-Obot Hill)
• What is the consequence and sequence to this action or thought? (Daniel Tolson)
• What are you learning from this? (Tara Cox-Raj)
• How true is that? (Katy Flatau)
• About what are you willing to be wrong? (Lynne Adrine)
• What do you mean specifically? (Mónica Gb)
• How do you know? (Axel Ritterhaus)
• What did you want to be when you were little? (Charles Popoff)
• How do you define ‘happiness’ and success’? (Laura L. Brown)
• What are you choosing? (Amy Van Court)
• How is what you’re currently doing working for you? (Tish Times)
• Have you mailed the check yet? (Dean Miles)
• So, now what? (Sudania Chou)
• How do you show empathy to yourself? (Sue McDonnell)
• What does SUCCESS look like to you? (Two Page Mini Business Plan)
• You wake up in the morning and you see that you, at last, have the life you always wanted. What is the first thing you notice that has changed? (Zohra Dali)
• Which part is unclear? (Tommy Shek)
• If you could have it go any way you wanted, which way would it go? (Lara Klein)
• When will you start doing this? (Vegard Olsen)
• What’s the one question you are hoping I won’t ask you? (Nora Whalen)
• How’s that current (status/choice/decision/position/etc) working for you? (Ellen B. Cohen)
• What you want? (GreTa Mela)
• Would you like to explore that option and see if it is a real possibility? (Cibelis Alonzo)
• So? (Benjamin Loh)
• If you could wave a magic wand and become perfect, what would change? (John Reed)
• What would you say to a friend if he/she told you this? (Rachel Brozenske)
• You don’t know? But if you did, what would it be? (Susan Carlson)
• What is the root of this situation? (Nancy Rousseau)
• What advice would you give to your daughter/son if they were in the same situation? (Carol Pressnall Leek)
• What have you learned today? (Arturo Eggler)
• Tell me more, please. (Mario German Infante)
• What do you think people say about you when you leave the room? (Maureen Jenks Wishart)
• What does your intuition say? What does your body say? (Junior Vargas Cruz)
• What are you getting from choosing to remain stuck, unfulfilled and unsatisfied? (Andrew Carter)
• So [since this way is not working], what could you do different that might work? (Äŋđŗė Mėiŗa)
• So what is most interesting to look at right now? (Catharina Wöhlecke-Haglund)
• What would you allow yourself to be and to do today? (Fil Maharlika)
• What insight do you get from that? (Sara Örsing)
• How much time are you willing to spend to reach this goal? (Maria Klein)
• Let’s imagine your old job, how do you feel? (Future Coaching Academy)
• What does your future self say about this? Five years from now, how will you feel when you look back on this? (Anu Bhatnagar)
• Imagine a world where anything is possible. Where are you? What are you doing? How are you feeling? (Vicky Ampoulos)
• What will be different? (Tiziana Capuozzo)
• This…for what? (João Catalão)
• What changes would you like to happen in the next 45 minutes? (Johnathan Brooks)
• Who are you “being” in this situation? (Eduardo Vier)
• Would you like to sit here or in this transformational chair? (Johnathan Brooks)
• What do you want instead of this? (Jurgita Kuliešienė)
• What’s really going on here? (Sally Vanson)
• …and…? (The Performance Solution)
• What are you willing to do? (O. Lucía Serna)
• Later…? (Hande Ahıskalı)
• How would God manage if you took the day off? (Magdalena Giec)
• What would it be like if you were certain you would succeed? (Allison Linney)
• What does that tell about yourself? (Minna Sutö)
• What would you do differently if you had to achieve double your goal in half the time? (Magdalena Giec)
• So, what do you want? (Clear Mind Marketing)
• If your life was a movie, what is currently happening in the movie of your life? How much would like to change this script? (Johnathan Brooks)

"All real living is meeting"

The following is a brief overview of the ICF UK conference presentation that took place on April 9th:

We have just had a marvellous day with ICF UK in London! On April 9th, Miriam Orriss and I joined Aboodi Shabi (Newfield) and Liz McCann (BBC) in addressing the conference theme of 'The Art of Mastery in Coaching.' What emerged, as a group of about 100 coaches participated in this very successful event, was a shared desire to attend to the deeper enquiry that is possible in our work and the hunger for coaching 'beyond technique.' There was great engagement in the room as we co-created a space in which coaches could explore core aspects of their practice. We acknowledged the primacy of presence, the profound possibilities in the coaching relationship and the miracle that occurs when the 'gods and goddesses of coaching', sit among us.


Edna Murdoch

 I was reminded of Martin Buber's work, which established the principle of the 'I-Thou' – the mode of connecting when we are attuned to one another in a spirit of honour and awe. The 'I - Thou' occurs only as we meet with our whole being. As Buber said,

"All real living is meeting."

In the reflective practice that is coaching supervision, we aim to foster a ‘real’ dialogue, which enables the coach to return to their work, resourced and refreshed. This level of supervisory input enables coaches to converse with their clients with much more awareness, clarity and impact. This happens especially when coaches attend to what wants to emerge in the life of the client or the team with which they are working, while still holding the overt focus of the contract. It requires that coach supervisors 'let go' of our fantasy of what 'should' be occurring and play our part in co - creating an exploration that is real and open and which surrenders to a dialogic process that has meaning and muscle beyond what coach and supervisor may know at any given moment.

The day at the ICF conference reminded us all that in these fast-moving, highly-pressurised times, there is a huge hunger for real human engagement. As the poet David Whyte, puts it in Loaves and Fishes:


This is not


the age of information


Forget the news,


And the radio,


And the blurred screen.


This is the time


of loaves


and fishes.


People are hungry,


and one good word is bread


for a thousand.

Edna Murdoch Director: Coaching Supervision Academy www.coachingsupervisionacademy.com