Why coaching works

 

Six stress management pillars for you and your clients

It’s a new year! Holidays have been enjoyed, resolutions made, and now stress is back as our #1 complaint. It should be! Constant stress messes up sleep, makes losing weight tougher, weakens our flu fighting ability, and ignites everything from anxiety to zits. For our clients, stress also challenges effective leadership, erodes confidence, paralyzes many public speakers and gets in the way of realizing objectives.

Since the start of a year is ideal for developing goals and plans, allow me to recommend six essential actions for a less stressed ‘13, ’14 and beyond. These are not nuggets of wisdom. Think of them as vaccines--concrete to-dos for you and your clients to consistently consider, select and employ to prevent or lessen the impact of stress no matter from who or where it arrives.

1. Make a stress spreadsheet
Who and what are the sources of your stress? The successful stress manager—like any manager out to solve a problem—starts by investigating the causes of that problem. So, divide a sheet of paper into two columns. Label the first column “Stress Sources” and list some of the situations and individuals currently causing you stress. Call column two “Stress Breakdown” and subdivide some of those stress blobs that you likely wrote in column one, i.e. finances, work, clients, the post office and global hunger. These juggernauts are too big to de-stress as a whole, and breaking them down into more manageable pieces will make you more likely to start reducing their negative effects. I call this exercise Stress GPS because it provides a starting point and routes to stress reduction.

2. Check your body’s dashboard
Part two of Stress GPS means considering your stress symptoms. Turn over that sheet of paper and list how you feel when you are stressed. I bet your list might include:

• Difficulty concentrating;
• Upset stomach;
• Pounding heart;
• Serious cravings for food or nicotine;
• Headaches;
• Back pain;
• Feelings of panic;
• Perspiring;
• Anger

Here’s the important part: circle the items on your list that you are aware of when they first begin. From now on, when you sense circled symptoms, stop  what you are doing and do something to reverse these stress-fueled happenings! These symptoms are like dashboard indicator lights  that warn us to take action when the oil is low and our engine starts to overheat. Since eye strain, for example, often leads to headaches and fatigue, cease staring at your computer monitor for a few minutes and massage your eyes (with clean palms) to prevent that strain from turning into a migraine, bad mood, poor sleep, etc.

3. Counterbalance your stress
Quick! What is the one thing that you need daily to keep you functioning at your best? Did you yell, “8 hours of sleep,” “my run around the lake,” “meditation,” “a lunch break,” or “time with my kids?” Whatever you first uttered is something you should work hard to make happen--everyday. In addition to helping us perform well, these essential activities can also make it much easier to deal with daily hassles and stressful surprises. Counterbalances are timeouts from work and other stress producers and are another vital tool for minimizing stress-induced symptoms.

4. Free your feelings
Emotional intelligence is all the rage, but what about emotional outlets? Another list worth making are the people in your personal and professional lives with whom you can comfortably and confidentially share challenges, process concerns and brainstorm solutions. And don’t just make a list, make sure you use these folks as your support networkers, and let them know you will do the same for them. Bottled up frustration, anger, fear and the like corrode our spirits, and great listeners  and supporters in all forms can produce solutions, epiphanies, creativity and lower stress levels.

5. Get and stay physical
Duh, you don’t need me to tell you to be physically active. All I will say here is that regular and elevated cardiovascular activity strengthens body systems that are the punching bags of our stress, and that this foundation of stress resilience does not require a gym. Walk, walk fast, run, swim, bike, jump rope--just do something everyday.

6. Sleep well
If satisfying sleep isn’t one of your must-have stress counterbalances, please add it to the list in #3. Good sleep is the ultimate tonic for strengthening our defenses against stress’s unwanted side-effects, not to mention a vital ingredient in immune system health. Stress and poor sleep are best friends.
They encourage and feed off of each other like two schoolyard bullies who make mischief and misery. The top non-medicinal sleep enhancers remain:

• A cold, dark and quiet sleeping environment;
• Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day;
• Avoid eating and drinking too close to bedtime--especially foods and  beverages with caffeine;
• Easing from stressful activities such as work to sleep with non-stressful ones including reading, sex and Seinfeld reruns; and
• Limiting electronic screen use before sleep as our bodies interpret their blue light as sunshine (so, maybe no Seinfeld).

Like brushing your teeth, these stress reduction pillars require regular practice. They are at least as important as emails, meetings and clients. They deserve attention, respect and slots on our calendars for less stress, more success and lots of smiles in 2013.

Jordan Friedman, a.k.a. The Stress Coach, is a global stress management speaker, trainer and former director of Columbia University’s health promotion program. His Stress Coach U teleseminar is part of ICF’s Continuing Coach Education offerings, and trains coaches and other professionals to teach their clients and students stress reduction techniques (www.stresscoachu.com) Jordan is the author of The Stress Manager’s Manual and co-author of The Go Ask Alice Book Of Answers. He provides free how-to videos, exercises and other resources for coaches, trainers and stress- relief seekers at www.thestresscoach.com. Copyright 2013 Jordan Friedman. Published with permission.

Ethics & Coach Subcontract Relationships

When a coach is a team of one (no partners or subcontract relationship) they are naturally aligned with their ethics on issues of confidentiality or contracting or the do’s and don’ts of the coaching relationship.  However once we build coaching partnerships and subcontracting relationships misalignment of ethics may occur.  And this misalignment occurs not because some of us are unethical and others ethical, but rather because we all come from different points of view on the same statement of ethics.  It is important for us to have a conversation on what the meanings of different ethical issues are in order to align the coach and coaching organization, and of course for coaches to be sure they aren’t put into a situation that they consider to be unethical by their partner coaching relationship. 

Let’s take an example.  How do we share client information within coaching partnerships? We promise to our clients the careful management of confidential conversations and client files.  But what if the head of a coaching organization you coach for states that they own all client information - how do you know that that information will be handled in accordance to your own code of ethics?  Once your client completes their coaching with you, do you hand your file to the coaching organization?  Do you do so with a verbal or written understanding of the eventual use of that file?  What if you find out later that the confidence of your client was violated by the coaching firm you worked for – who is responsible?  You?  The firm?

Another example is the internal coaching meetings many of the coaching partnerships may hold to develop the coaches and give value-add to the clients by sharing trends and situations within the client organization.  What kind of information is confidential and what kind of information is ethical to share? And is it the responsibility of the coaching organization to inform the client leadership or each client that that information is shared?  Is it necessary for the individual coach to share with each new client that that type of information is shared in coach organization meetings?

The ICF Code of Ethics includes some guidelines for “sponsors” or multi-coach organizations.  It is worth reading through and having a conversation with your sub-contracting or coach partnership organization to be sure you are aligned in how you view these and other key issues. 

by Sandi Stewart, PCC

The ICF Code of Ethics
Applicable Code Sections:
*The International Coach Federation defines these roles as follows:

• Client: The "client" is the person(s) being coached.
• Sponsor: The "sponsor" is the entity (including its representatives) paying for and/or arranging for coaching services to be provided.

Section 1: Professional Conduct At Large
5) I will conduct myself in accordance with the ICF Code of Ethics in all coach training, coach mentoring, and coach supervisory activities.
7) I will maintain, store, and dispose of any records created during my coaching business in a manner that promotes confidentiality, security, and privacy, and complies with any applicable laws and agreements.
8) I will use ICF member contact information (e-mail addresses, telephone numbers, etc.) only in the manner and to the extent authorized by the ICF.

Section 3: Professional Conduct with Clients
16) I will carefully explain and strive to ensure that, prior to or at the initial meeting, my coaching client and sponsor(s) understand the nature of coaching, the nature and limits of confidentiality, financial arrangements, and any other terms of the coaching agreement or contract.

Section 4: Confidentiality/Privacy
22) I will maintain the strictest levels of confidentiality with all client and sponsor information. I will have a clear agreement or contract before releasing information to another person, unless required by law.
23) I will have a clear agreement upon how coaching information will be exchanged among coach, client, and sponsor.
24) When acting as a trainer of student coaches, I will clarify confidentiality policies with the students.
25) I will have associated coaches and other persons whom I manage in service of my clients and their sponsors in a paid or volunteer capacity make clear agreements or contracts to adhere to the ICF Code of Ethics Part 2, Section 4: Confidentiality/Privacy standards and the entire ICF Code of Ethics to the extent applicable.

Want to leverage all your social media efforts? Capture contact information.

Once your website (or social media page) is seen by a new visitor, your goal is to “capture” their contact information so you can continue to develop the relationship.

The most valuable pieces to capture are the visitor’s name and e-mail address. These elements are the easiest to leverage over time because they position you to reach out to large groups all at once, yet you appear to be speaking to just one person. You’re maximizing efficiency and connection at the same time.

One of the most popular ways to capture the contact info is to offer a free, downloadable gift that would make your ideal client light up and say, “Wow! I need that.” The best way to do that is to offer a solution to a common problem that your niche struggles with.

You could position this gift as a way to escape the pain of their problem (by highlighting how hard it is to be where they are and how this gift will help); or, you could emphasize how they can move toward something specific (the dream life they really want). Either way works well, but people are generally more motivated to invest (time, money, contact info) if you’re helping them move away from a specific pain. And, the more pain they are feeling, the more they will invest.

Here are a couple of examples to consider:

1. A coach who supports business leaders in leveraging technology and leadership, could offer a document on the “Top Ten Tips to Ensure Technology is Working for You in Today's Fast-Paced and Technological Workplace.” It speaks directly to the main concerns of the ideal client.

2. A coach who works with overwhelmed professionals could offer a 3 part video series on “The Top 3 Strategies to Take Control of Your Time and Create the Balance You Desire.” Again, speaking to the clients’ biggest desired outcome.

Remember: The goal is to create rapport and credibility instantly, and make your ideal client think, “Wow, I like your style. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you and your expertise through this free gift.”

Passion into Profit Coaching Challenge: Consider your ideal clients biggest challenge or greatest dream, what offering/gift would make a difference for them now? Create that gift and begin to watch your community grow!

Teresia LaRocque MCC, is Director of Entrepreneurship and Business Building Mentor for the Erickson Business Center –  www.ericksonbusinesscenter.com at Erickson College International www.erickson.edu. Teresia is a pioneer in the booming profession of personal coaching, the first recipient of the International Coach Federation’s Master Coach Credential in Canada and cofounder for the Vancouver International Coach Federation chapter. Teresia is committed to supporting coaches to take their talent and passion for coaching and make their entrepreneurial dreams come true. Teresia is the founder and facilitator of the Passion into Profit Program, a customized business building program offered through the Erickson Business Center.

Thinking about others, thinking about self...

Here is an interesting neuroscience tidbit: we use the same area of the brain to think about others as we do to think about ourselves. We feel their joys and pains in the way we feel our own. We understand their motivations, frustrations and triumphs as we understand our own.

 

What does this mean for coaching? Well, if we think about others using the same part of the brain as we use to think about ourselves, our ability to understand others is directly correlated to our ability to understand ourselves. Thus, to be effective parents, leaders, teachers, friends and partners, we need to truly understand ourselves. Research on parenting has found, for example, that adults who had troubling childhoods and experienced “bad” parenting, of course tend to be poor parents themselves.

 

But if these adults develop the capacity for self-reflection, they can transcend their own negative experiences and be warm, nurturing and effective parents. By developing the ability to reflect on themselves, they are more likely to respect their child’s emerging developmental needs and reduce the times the child has to use more primitive defense mechanisms.

We simply can’t put ourselves in another’s shoes if we don’t understand ourselves, because we can’t think about them effectively. If the part of my brain that I use to think about myself is weak, disorganized and undeveloped, if I don’t know how I feel and why, then I actually can’t think about you with any coherence either. And if I can’t do that, how can be a good friend, an effective co-worker, a loving partner or parent?

At its most basic level, coaching powerfully increases our self awareness and self-reflective capacity. As coaches, more than anything, we help our clients look at their lives. I often joke about that feeling of hitting the jackpot when our client says to us “Oh, now that’s a good question!” (YES! Dopamine rush, I did it!! I can do this coaching thing. Whew.) This is because it makes them stop, and think, and reflect, and begin to understand themselves better.

My neuroscience studies have shown me that this understanding isn’t just beneficial to to the client, but is crucial to the world they engage with, and thus, benefits us all. In Nepal (and most yoga classes) they greet and leave with the word “Namaste,” which roughly translates to “The God in me sees the God in you.” To really do this, to see this in another, we need to see it in ourselves first.

Namaste.

Ann Betz, CPCC, is a faculty member of the Coaches Training Institute (CTI), where she serves as an advisor to the president and official neuroscience consultant. She is an expert in the neuroscience of leadership, coaching, and human consciousness and is actively engaged in making connections between coaching and current research on the brain. Ann is a founding partner of BEabove Leadership, which offers a cutting-edge advanced coaching program for experienced coaches: “Neuroscience, Consciousness and Transformational Coaching,” available in the U.S., Canada and the U.K. www.beaboveleadership.com. You can also visit Ann’s blog at www.yourcoachingbrain.com.