I Break For Success

“Stop” is probably not something you frequently say to yourself and your clients. It is a dirty word and a radical concept in work cultures where ‘powering through’ is an expectation, a badge of honor, and in some cases, an addiction.

An opinion piece in a February issue of New York Times should be the spark of a work and lifestyle revolution that turns “stop” into our battle cry and marching orders. The article, Relax! You’ll Be More Productive by author and productivity expert Tony Schwartz, is packed with exciting data about the benefits of taking breaks in all shapes and sizes. Here’s a sampler of what got me break dancing:

• A 2012 study found that sleeping fewer than six hours per night is the best predictor of job burnout.
• Air traffic controllers who napped an average of just under 20 minutes were more vigilant and had better reaction time than their non-napping counterparts.
• Longer nappers who nodded off for 60-90 minutes did as well on memory tests as those who slept a full eight hours, according to a nap researcher at the University of California-Riverside.
• Here’s my favorite one: An internal Ernst & Young study last year found that, for each additional ten hours of vacation a staff member took, her or his end-of-year performance scores improved by 8%. This same study said that frequent vacation-takers were much more likely to remain with the company.
• Despite the above, in 2011, Americans did not use six of their vacation days, and in 2012, that number skyrocketed to 9, according to a Harris Interactive poll (EU readers are shaking their heads in disbelief right now).
• Better performers work in intervals of 90 minutes and never work for more than 4.5 hours per day, so say researchers at Florida State University. This may be due to daytime energy rhythms that have many of us cycling from alertness to fatigue every hour-and-a-half.

So, why aren’t we napping on the job, getting the nightly sleep we need and taking the vacation we earn? If we want ourselves, our clients and those who work for us to be more productive and perform at a higher level, this data along with many other recent and well-researched findings say, work less!

Or at least, work smarter.

There’s another compelling reason to take timeouts. Breaks can prevent stress symptoms such as muscle tension, eye strain, bad moods and anxiety from turning into back pain, headaches, poor communication, refrigerator raids, panic episodes and low quality sleep.



Brief breaks rock, too. Take this 3-minute time out with Jordan Friedman’s Quick Calm, deep-breathing exercise.

Why don’t we conduct our own experiments? For those of us who sit in the driver’s seats of our work lives, let’s plan and take regular breaks for a couple of weeks to see if we realize the same payoffs as the subjects of the studies sited earlier. If we do, we need to make breaks permanent and influence others to try this new way of working for themselves and those who work for them. Fortunately, more and more, culture change has come to workplaces who’s leaders have put the breaks on nonstop work habits that many can’t kick on their own.

Continually armed with the latest data and break-taking success stories from workers and employers, we will win the battle for lower stress and greater success.

I leave you with this triumphant statistic: The French, on average, take more time off from work than any other people, and they are consistently ranked as the most productive in the industrialized world. Les miserables? Not anymore.

Jordan Friedman, a.k.a. The Stress Coach, is a global stress management speaker, trainer and former director of Columbia University’s health promotion program. His Stress Coach U program trains coaches and other professionals to teach their clients and students stress reduction techniques (www.stresscoachu.com) Jordan is the author of The Stress Manager’s Manual and co-author of The Go Ask Alice Book Of Answers. He provides free how-to videos, exercises and other resources for coaches, trainers and stress- relief seekers at www.thestresscoach.com. Copyright 2013 Jordan Friedman. Published with permission.

What do you choose? Fear or Joy?

Can you relate to that terrible imagining? 

You know how you're watching your child fast asleep; just a little baby, and you're thinking how blessed you are and how much you love him? 

And then your thoughts wander to how you can barely remember what life was like just a few months ago, before you had kids. 

And then you watch him breathe and suddenly imagine he's not breathing… 

And then you get really scared and imagine all the terrible things that could happen to him…

I think we all do this. I know Brene Brown talks about it in her amazing books. 

Here's the thing though, I realize that we do it in our business as well.  It's not just about the people we love or the things we care about…it's a kind of 'giving in' to the fear.

What will happen if I don't get more clients?
How will I survive if this latest idea doesn't work out?
How many times can I bounce back after I fail?
How can I be so sure that this will work?

These are very natural fears that come with the courageous act of having your own business.  The question is how can they be managed? Or disappear?

Just the other day, I was talking to a business owner about the power of finding your story and how it's an amazing way to beat old sabotaging ideas and fears. She said, yes, "I get that logically but how do I really begin to live it?"

I explained that we tell stories all the time and that they really define our reality. It's all in our stories. Think about it, every time we have any kind of meaningful experience, we tell it.  And what we tell is completely subjective; we choose everything about the story. The strange thing is that then we tend to imagine that it somehow just 'happened' to us and we had absolutely no control. So we allow our stories create our reality.

And that's good news. The minute you start paying attention to your stories, you can tell more empowering ones; stories that are not about fear and crisis, stories that are about possibility!

So next time you catch yourself telling a story that is based in fear – catch it, watch it, and notice that it's simply your story. You can tell it – or not. You can choose to tell a story that serves you well; a story of joy, a story of beauty, a story of blessings and a story of possibility. 

Which would you prefer?

Lisa Bloom, PCC is founder of Story Coach Inc. and the Certified Story Coach Program.  Download her ebook ‘Using Stories to Get Great Clients’ at http://www.story-coach.com.

Inside the Session: Intuition vs. Coaching?

The Issue:
I feel that my job as a coach is to expand, inspire, encourage, champion, and challenge my clients to new levels. So, what do you do when your “intuition” tells you one thing and the “coach” tells you another?

The Background:
I have a client, who over the past two years, has been working as a Team Leader.  The next logical step for their career path is a Team Manager.  Unfortunately, the company will phase out their particular project over the next few months and have suggested that my client consider an ex-pat position in the Caribbean.

The Options:
This three-year ex-pat position would come with the possibility for Team Leader within 12-18 months but no prospects of being a Team Manager. 

The Challenge:
Together, we explored my client’s “major life” goals for the next 3-5 years. The following goals have been identified (amongst others):

1. To Start a Family with Partner
2. Have/Adopt Children within the next 1-3 years
3. To Become a Manager in 2013 or latest 2014
4. Take an Ex-Pat Position

The Mental State of Affairs:
It became clear, halfway through our first discussion, that my client was adamant that this ex-pat position would be a perfect fit for them.  While the red flags were raised in my gut, the coach inside was immediately perplexed.  I thought: it could delay all of your afore-mentioned goals by at least three years, possibly even including the Manager position.  What gives?

My client admitted to being scared about losing the income altogether.  I asked if they had more than a years’ worth in savings (my client does).  I reminded my client that they are in a better position than most.

I then reminded my client that it might be interesting to respond to the two to three weekly requests they receive from recruiters.  My client did not feel reassured and physically grew uncomfortable and indignant.

Shortly thereafter, I discover my client also maintains some confidence and self-worth issues wrapped up in this whole situation—more specifically, my client doesn’t feel worthy of a Manager position. 

My Intuition:
My intuition immediately saw my client as settling for this position because it was comfortable.  My intuition urged me to invite my client to consider all other options prior to making a final decision.  I felt (and still feel) this could be a mistake for my client’s future and family life based upon their goals, objectives, and volunteering endeavors.

My Coaching:
The coach inside me viewed this situation as more of a hiccup and I wanted to challenge my client to be daring, take a leap of faith, and explore any and all options.  In probing more, my client divulged that there is a good chance they would have the opportunity to learn other functions integral to being a Team Manager down the line.

Several times, I checked-in to ensure I was pushing THEIR agenda as opposed to my own.  The response was always, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.”

The Homework:
I invited my client to contact two recruiters AND be open to any and all positions that may present themselves.  My client was very resistant.  I then explained my reservations as their coach: 1) To challenge them beyond their comfort zone; and 2) To remind them that other goals might be delayed and/or compromised.  I felt that this task would not only challenge my client to think outside the box, but it would also allow the opportunity to explore some self-worth and confidence hesitations AND it would assuage both my coaching and gut instincts.  Win-win!

The Resolution:
Though my client is showing more confidence, they are still leaning toward the ex-pat role.  However, my client admittedly understood and appreciated my encouragement and support to remain open to all other options.  In the coming week, my client will most likely accept the verbal offer for this position.  Within that conversation, I have invited my client (“Homework”) to be clear and express their goals (personal and professional) over the next three to five years to their new manager to ensure they are both on the same page.  Who knows what will happen?

Intuition vs. Coaching:
So, what do you do when your “Intuition” tells you one thing and the “Coach” another?
Quell both sides.  Remind yourself of the delicate yet playful balance between the feeling (intuition) and the experience (coaching).  Listen to your intuition.  Just because you listen to your intuition does not necessarily mean you need to follow it.  Instead, allow the information to better enlighten your assessment thereby supporting your client as their coach.

My Intuition still feels that this could be a mistake.  The coach inside tells me that it would be my client’s choice, from which to grow and learn.  As a coach, I will stand for my client as much as possible.  As an intuitive being, I will gently offer and explore all alternatives.

It’s only the third session, we have time.  Stay tuned for the update.  I’m sure it will be fascinating!

By Seth Santoro. A first time self-help author, coach, blogger, public speaker, aspiring TV host, and producer, Seth’s vision is to Inspire the World, One by One, to Smile From The Inside.  He has a great deal to say, the basis of which is Know who you are, Embrace who you are and Be who you are - no matter what the circumstance or what your past – and you can heal from anything.  Seth’s first book in a trilogy series is “How I Learned To Smile From The Inside,” available now on Amazon. Learn more about Seth http://SmileFromTheInside.com/, http://smilefromtheinside24.blogspot.com.

Why improved time management requires baby steps

In our coaching work with clients, sometimes it's tough to resist the temptation to put them on the "fast track" to improvement. We believe that we already have the perfect solution and intend to give them the details all-at-once. Our hope is that a single intense session will fix the problem.

For simple issues, this approach works. However, helping your clients improve their time management skills is much more difficult. Here's why.

Time management skills, are for the most part, self taught. At some point in their teenage or young-adult years, in the face of demands and deadlines, your clients assembled a set of habits, practices and rituals. They used these elements to form a system that governed their daily lives from that point onwards.

By the time they arrive for their first coaching call with you, they are already unconsciously competent in the use of their system. Most will have forgotten its origin. They'll tell you that they "just do it."

As their coach, however, you need to understand that their homegrown solution is not a total failure even if it has obvious faults. Deeply embedded in their neuro-muscular memory, it's played a part in delivering every single positive result they have produced. Obviously, there are parts of it that work well.

Too many coaches in time management ignore this fact and treat clients as if they were kids. In the first session, they outline a brand new, complex system of habits and practices that needs to be implemented as a whole in order to make it work. However, most clients cannot implement a new system all-at-once. It's no wonder that the failure rate is high for time management training, according to the research.

A far better approach is to teach your client to take small steps. Where would these steps come from?

When I moved to live in Jamaica several years ago after many years of living in the U.S. I was baffled at first by my new inability to manage my time well in a hectic environment. It led me to look for a time management system that could flexibly deal with a major life change.

In the end, I didn't find what I wanted, but the other insights that came were interesting enough to start writing a blog. In my first few posts I outlined 11 ladders of distinct skills, each including rungs ranging from low/novice to high/expert. I discovered that all working professionals manage their time using these skills, but end up with different-looking systems with uneven skills: high rungs on some ladders, and low rungs on others.

This occurs because they are self-taught.

What I did wasn't special - it's something that the average coach could do with some legwork: take a complex behavior and break it down into mutually exclusive but collectively exhaustive practices. In time management, there are many books and programs that describe particular rungs in detail, but clients like to see the entire ladder in order to know what they have already learned, where they are today, and what they would like to accomplish in the future.

When they do this kind of self-diagnosis, they gain an instant comparison against best and worst practices. Many report that it's like looking in a mirror for the first time and being able to see simple opportunities for improvement on their own.

As coaches in time management, we need to be prepared with simple ways to teach clients how to take baby steps based on the principle of gradual but steady improvement. It's far better and safer than offering up one-size-fits-all prescriptions that over-promise a "fast track" of implausible improvement.

By Francis Wade. Francis is a pioneer in Time Management 2.0 at 2Time Labs, whose mission is to make time management easy for everyone, everywhere. He helps coaches, trainers and consultants work with time cluttered clients at http://mytimedesign.com and is the author of Bill's Im-Perfect Time Management Adventure.

How the heck did that happen?

Do you ever look back to significant life events and ask yourself, “How the heck did that happen?” There are always a whole string of events, coincidences and decisions that got you to that moment in time where you experienced the big event. When you look back you say, “Wow, if I didn’t do that then this wouldn’t have happened and this wouldn’t be...” It is sort of like the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”, where George Bailey gets to look back and see what life would be like if he didn’t live it.


8,000 attendees eating lunch. Photo by Denise Maccaferri.

Well, I am having that sort of experience with the Massachusetts Conference for Women. This happens to be the biggest women’s conference in the USA as 8,000 women attended the phenomenal December 2012 event. And The International Coach Federation of New England was there in all it’s glory with a spectacular vendor booth and 40 fabulous coaches who coached hundreds of women at the conference. The energy was palpable and the outcome was beyond our expectations. It was a day not only for conferees but also for the coaches. They enjoyed a world class conference with top speakers and inspiration, a wonderful lunch with 8,000 of their BFFs and the camaraderie of their peers.

This all started with a serendipitous last minute invitation from one of my clients who asked me to attend the conference with her as her guest. I had never been, spontaneously decided to accept the invite and was then wowed by the experience. As I walked the halls, I kept asking...Where are the coaches? Here we have all the enthusiasm, inspiration and dreams being ignited and energy generated by the conference and Where are the coaches?

 

I decided to ask the Conference that question. I sent an email that said,

 

“NOW WHAT?

After all this inspiration,

I still have to go back to reality...

How do I take the next steps?

How do we harness the energy and take it forward?”

 

"The International Coach Federation of New England is ready to help answer that question. Envision 50 coaches working with hundreds of women in the conference afternoon? That would make a positive difference in many lives... That would be one physical step closer to transforming lives. That is what we coaches do best.”

The director of the conference called me the next day and we got to work taking this seed to fruition. We also including the ICFNE committee that spontaneously generated and worked tirelessly together to create all of this. The conference is also held in Texas and Pennsylvania and the ICF in those states were invited by the Conference to participate. One small step that resulted from just noticing an opportunity, has positively impacted thousands of people. It was enthusiasm and curiosity that fueled this adventure. And we are busy working on some exciting plans for conference 2013...

 

In the words of George Bailey, “Well whaddya know about that!!!”

 

Anne Barry Jolles, MBA, PCC, serves as  Chairperson for Partnership of Massachusetts Conference for Women and the International Coach Federation of New England. Learn more at www.annejolles.com. Anne can be reached via email at abjcoach@comcast.net.